There’s a lot of things they never tell you about marriage until you’re deep in the midst of a long term, committed relationship. Things like disagreements, finances, kids, pets, and even daily struggles can become landmines if there’s not a solid foundation and a mutual understanding. It’s important that two people are working towards the same goals as a team and not detracting from the overall good of the family. 

Gender roles, respect, and proper communication tend to go a long way to keep things running smoothly in a marriage. I think it’s important to always remember it’s you and your partner against the world, not you and your partner against each other. Of course, when emotions are running high, that’s easier said than done sometimes. 

Kris and I are rapidly approaching our second wedding anniversary, and I can honestly say it’s been an amazing chapter for me. I take pride in creating a beautiful home with my husband and my two dogs by cooking, cleaning, and learning new ways to support everyone. Sometimes it’s not about the big gestures for special occasions, but the daily routine tasks that make all the difference. 

We have a biweekly cleaning schedule to refresh the house on Sundays and Wednesdays so everything stays fresh and smelling clean. Since I work from home on Wednesdays, I like to knock out everything before Kris gets home since I know he’s been working all day and doesn’t like coming home to a messy house. While he’s never said it, I think it’s respectful and the least that I can do to ensure he’s able to relax after a long day’s work.  It also makes me happy just to see him happy. 

Just like you have to onboard and ramp up for a job, you have to do the same for a relationship. Understanding a person’s mindset, personality, and what they want out of a relationship is the first and most vital part of getting to know a person. By asking targeted questions, dating with intention, and being honest, you can quickly decipher who would be a suitable mate over who wouldn’t. 

Men who are great husbands and fathers tend to have qualities such as trustworthiness, honesty, and dependability since they understand other people are relying on them. Furthermore, money doesn’t make a great man, it only accentuates the quality of man that he already is. Try not to be swayed by materialistic items that won’t keep you safe or comfort you during tough times.  

Going from a girlfriend to a fiance to a whole wife definitely has come with its adjustments. For example, with each new level in our relationship, comes new tests, trials, and tribulations that we must face together. Back when we first started dating, the most we worried about was completing college assignments and passing classes. Fast forward to five years later, and we’re dealing with real life drama like mortgages, broken appliances, and never ending car maintenance. 

It’s all a give and a take, and it really only works well when two people are consistently giving 100% effort into the relationship. Of course, there are times when one spouse will have to pick up the slack, but that shouldn’t be the case for the vast majority of time. 

There’s a delicate balance of benefits and requirements that marriage brings. I get the perk of wearing a beautiful ring on my finger coupled with an increased expectation to be Kris’ competent helping hand in everything we do. He gets the perk of having a live-in best friend to cook and clean along with the additional stress of providing for our family. I enjoy that he’s able to set the direction so I can focus on the details and being the glue to bring our vision to life. 

Like all couples, we do have our rifts here and there, but they never last longer than a few hours. When things get difficult, we try to put our prides aside quickly and focus on the action items that will get us back on track. We also never let fights go over into multiple days. Life is too short, and we both would feel horrible if something happened before we’re able to apologize, kiss, and make up. 

Right when we got married, I made a point to ask Kris weekly for his feedback on how I was adjusting to my new role of wife. I wanted to know what he liked or disliked so I could adjust and provide a better experience for him. Even though social media and popular society preach happy wife, happy life, we adopt a happy spouse, happy house mentality. 

A relationship, especially a marriage, doesn’t work if one spouse is constantly sacrificing to appease the other without getting that same level of dedication reciprocated. That always eventually leads to resentment and lack of enthusiasm. I personally never want our relationship to break down to that level, so I’m trying to put in the work now to be cognizant of putting Kris first. 

While it’s definitely not an easy walk in the park, there’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with than Kris. He’s the best husband and he’s my best friend, biggest supporter, voice of reason, and encouragement all in one handsome package. He also pushes me to become a better version of myself and holds me accountable, which helps build my resilience to face difficult life moments. 

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Signed, 

Jessica Marie