Brain fog is real. Being so busy that you can’t see the trees from the forest is real. Having boundaries and understanding that there are just certain situations that you have to push through are vital pills to swallow early. I definitely still struggle with all of the above. 

It’s so easy for me to allow my feelings of frustration, aggravation, and annoyance get the best of me. I really have to keep tight rein of my feelings or they will have me tripping over things that don’t matter in the long run. It’s so hard in the moment to take a step back and ask myself if my feelings are worth the time they are stealing away from my life. It’s even harder for me to course correct after I get all worked up. Simple things work my nerves to the point where I’m a negative ball of energy waiting to cry. (Don’t ask me why I cry when I’m frustrated…it’s a great stress reliever.) 

I get a little bratty and stubborn about things. I have an idea of how things should be or how to make something operate a little more effectively and I lose my cool when I’m either not heard or not courageous enough to speak my mind. Pretty much a double edged sword ready to incinerate me. 

I didn’t write as much this week. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve had to realistically sit down in peace and quiet and become one with my thoughts. Throughout June, I had the time…or at least I made the time. There have been things that I’ve wanted to write about but I sold myself the lie that I didn’t have enough time to really write what I felt. I enjoy writing on my computer over my phone, but there are instances when I really need the space and time to write. Ideas I’ve been mulling stay just that, ideas, until I put in the effort and work to make them real. 

This blog is a venture into trying to put action behind the things that I think about and the things I want. Instead of saying I need to write, I need to just write. Instead of feeling the pressure of sticking to a Monday, Wednesday, Friday upload schedule as negative, I need to change my lens and see it as healthy, positive pressure that’s helping get me where I ultimately need to be. 

Quick side note here: I truly believe the Lord is trying to teach me patience before I have kids. They always say the Lord will keep sending you situations for you to master a skill or lesson and he won’t stop until you’ve overcome that weakness. For some reason, I’ve always hated repeating myself. I’ve heard you have to repeat yourself ten million times with kids and I’d really hate to set a bad example for them if I lose my cool every fifth time they ask me for clarification. Usually, I have all the patience in the world and I don’t get triggered easily, but whenever that full moon comes around, all of that patience goes straight out of the window. 

Even if I can’t devote hours upon hours to this blog, I don’t want to cheat myself out of giving it my all. Being completely present and engaged when creating content for it is one part of that. Making sure I’m being aware of how my feelings may get in the way of that and adjusting for the products is another part. Overall, like Krissy says, I just have to focus on getting better each and every day even if it’s a little at a time. 

Signed,

Jessica Marie